Of Safety Pins and Insecurities
by Efflorescent
Summary: Miyamura had many reasons for his piercings. He liked earrings and lip rings. He liked how cool they seemed. He thought that it would look nice. He thought that it was a good conversation starter. So many reasons... but if he were completely honest with himself, he thought it was a better alternative.


**Warning:** Allusions to self harm and mild child abuse.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Horimiya. Hagiwara Daisuke does. I can't even write a multi-chaptered fan fiction. Definitely couldn't write a multi-chaptered graphic novel.

So this is gonna be the second Horimiya story on this site. So that's an accomplishment!

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><p><span><strong>Of Safety Pins and Lost Causes<strong>

"It was a better alternative."

There were many things that Miyamura wanted to say when someone asked him why he had so many piercings, but "It was a better alternative" was always the one he bit back. Of course he didn't voice these opinions out loud. Of course he couldn't tell Hori-san the amount of times he nearly replaced the safety pin with the box cutter his mother used to open new supplies for the bakery. That sounded… dark. And while he was "gloomy" Miyamura at school, Hori saw him as anything but. So, yeah. He had thought about it. Okay, he had thought about it a lot, but could he really be blamed?

He can remember the first time he pushed the pin through his ear. He can admit it now. It was partially for the accessory, but mostly for the pain. He can't say he grew up too dysfunctional. He remembers a time when his father would drink and scare him. He would sometimes leave bruises from grabbing him roughly or shaking his shoulders. He remembers being yelled at for making the neighbors think they were 'kind of off' because their borderline mute son never made friends with the kids in the neighborhood. So maybe that might be a factor. Maybe many things were factors. He can admit that he's not smart - that he doesn't know many things. But he _does_ know what that split second of pain does. It made him feel like he is _there_. The pain reminded him that, even though everyone acts in the contrary, Miyamura Izumi _is_ a person. He _is_ there. He _is_. It helps, but it doesn't stop him from getting washed away every day by his fellow classmates and sometimes even his parents. He wishes he could say he was picked on. At least then it would show that he meant something. But he really wasn't. He had stuff knocked out of his hands because nobody cared to see him standing there, not because of some malicious intent. And while there was some coldness behind it, it was partially his fault. Who would want to hang out with the gloomy Miyamura? He was just _there_. Like the left-handed baseball glove in a gym class of right-handed students; acknowledged, but forgotten. If Shindou weren't the metaphorical lefty, Miyamura isn't even sure where he would be.

But Hori-san… she was different. Different than Shindou, different than his classmates. She looked at him like he was… _there_. Like he _wasn't_ Miyamura-kun, the shady otaku. For a long time Miyamura's self esteem had been so saturated in the indifference and coldness of others that it had begun to erode at his heart. But Hori-san somehow made it go away. She didn't see his pain and casually brush it off like his mother had. She acknowledged it. She embraced it and taught him that his pain should not be inflicted upon himself because he does not deserve to be punished, but rather that his pain has given him strength and character that she is willing to see. And it's in that moment that he realizes. Yes. He's in love with Hori-san. Her beautiful brown hair, her crooked finger, her perfectionism, her emotional tirades. He loved them all. Because Hori-san had seen him. She had acknowledged that he… _is._ And she didn't just leave it at that. Rather than a period, she left an open blank. She made Miyamura realize the better parts of himself; the parts that have only shone through because of her own radiance and openness. Miyamura _is…_ kind. Miyamura _is…_ a bit of a dimwit. Miyamura _is…_ open and caring. Miyamura _is…_ loyal. Miyamura _is_… Miyamura. _Her_ knowing these things has helped _him_ to know these things. And if she didn't know that Miyamura _is_ in love with Hori-san, then maybe he should show her rather than make her find it this time around.

**End**

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Hello, all! So I made this really quickie one-shot less than 10 minutes after I realized there is _FINALLY_ a Horimiya section on this site. LOVE the manga. LOVE the characters. I just wanted to get my feet wet with this story. I do actually want to write more (and better) stories. Since I only drabbled this in less than 20 minutes, I know it's not all that good. But It's just a little stretch. Feel free to criticize. And go all grammar-nazi. I don't mind. I didn't really check my spelling. I read it through maybe twice? But hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave a review and **Follow me on tumblr _ . com!_**


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